So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
