god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
