we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
