I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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