The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
