Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
