There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
