I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
