Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I am available for nakedness
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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