She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
