I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
