they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
