Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
