i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
