thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize