Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
