I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
