____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
