I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
