Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize