I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
