she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
