I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize