I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
worst night to have a conscience
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
