i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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