Midget sex pt 2 tonight
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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