fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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