Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
