Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize
