Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
