dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
