My Higher Power is John Stamos
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
