I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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