I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
