in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
