youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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