I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
