What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
