My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
