please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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