The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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