his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
