mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
