Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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