Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
