I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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