Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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