My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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