There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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