I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
