There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
