as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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