If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
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