My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
