barbara walters just said penis...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Boobs speak an international language.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
