Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
