I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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