Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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