oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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