I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
