ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
