Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
