there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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