I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize