Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
