He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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