is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
