You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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