i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
