Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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