Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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