Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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