Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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