Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize