this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
