I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
