On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
