Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
