i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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