..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
