oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
i've created a new STD.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize