I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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