So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
