It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
