Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
