my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
