areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
