i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
