I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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