This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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