Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
