come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
