oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
high people should be assigned attendants
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
