I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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