looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
