btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
