There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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