ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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