ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
