you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
