I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
