just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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