uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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