And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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