We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
