Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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