i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
