do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
