My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
