Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
