I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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