I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
