My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
