i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize