just survived the first fart of the relationship.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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