Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
