I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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