She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
