I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
