forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
