Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
