Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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