just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
