it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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