I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
