i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
